1. Don’t try to figure out what will make us happy. We have been trying to get to the bottom of that mystery since the beginning of time and we have no clue either.
2. If we offer you gum, it means we want to kiss you later. It’s not an insult. Just take the gum.
3. Hey – we’re not always aware of our breasts. If we happen to brush up against you, we’re not necessarily coming on to you. Sometimes we are. But it’s not a given.
4. Don’t pretend we don’t tell you when something’s wrong. Come on now. Increased chocolate intake. Foot tapping. crossed arms. Tears during a Hallmark commercial. We’ve said all we need to. Tell us we look even skinnier than usual. And then get us a glass of Sancerre.
5. We love to hear we are beautiful. Breaking it down into specifics is even better.
6. Don’t tell us you’re on a low-carb diet when you take us out to dinner. That’s why we’re not out with our girlfriends.
7. Sometimes we wear our bathing suits when we run out of underwear.
8. We find it creepy when your fingernails are longer and/or shinier than ours. You may get a manicure, but don’t admit it, and don’t enjoy it.
9. Sometimes we just complain about our periods so you’ll leave us alone.
10. Turning into our mothers is an inevitable fear we live with on a daily basis. Calling this to our attention at any point is a terrible idea.
11. Using a GPS is not a sign of weakness.
12. We know we snore sometimes. Don’t ever tell us when we do.
13. Sometimes we bring you to dinners, parties, and events just to be able to say, “That one is mine.” Remember that.
14. A plunger for our place will never be a good gift.
15. When you offer to pay for something and we refuse, insist one more time. Always insist.
16. It’s okay if you want to watch Steel Magnolias with us. But if you cry harder than we do when Shelby dies, you are going to have to start answering some questions.
17. It goes movie, then dinner. That way we don’t have to rush. We have time for dessert.
18. Never pinch the muffin-top. This is grounds for execution.
19. You have our interest if you pick us up in a convertible. You have our hearts if there is a hair tie and/or brush in the car.
20. We want you to have your “guy time.” In fact, if you don’t have a great group of men to hang around, it’s a turn-off.